Q: Hey Serge, how did Florida become Dirtbag Central?
A: Because if you pass out in the snow, you die.
Hold the phone. Speaking of passing out, Coleman wants to give a travel tip. "Don't buy any coke from Rico. It's stomped on." Coleman, that's not a travel tip... No, it's not... No, I won't help you get your money back... Anyhoo, where was I? Weirdness. Florida has such a rarified per capita concentration that CNN might as well be the local news. Some guy shot a Wendy's manager over their three sauce-packet limit; alligator attacks naked guy on crack doing back-strokes in retention culvert; driver falls out of car at forty-five miles an hour opening door to spit; smuggler makes it through airport security with monkey under his hat. And if something does happen in another state, it's just a matter of time for the Florida shoe to drop. You say some criminal Rhodes scholar stole Crystal Gayle's tour bus in Tennessee? Gee, where on earth might he head next?
Today's Tip: A three sauce-packet limit is wrong. But pulling a gun is just as wrong. Go to Arby's instead. They understand packet dynamics.