My location is always top-secret, but I'll tell you where I've been...

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Somewhere in Cyberspace

Star date 485.328.

First off, fuck the word Blog. I hate it and all who use it. "LOL," "imo," "Today's mood: introspective yet spunky." Shut up. the Internet was supposed to become the ultimate democratic forum. it did: Now everyone can be a porn star. then there are these retarded blogs. it's been said that inside every life is a fascinating book, or at least a chapter. Wrong. Some people don't have a freakin' semi-colon, like that woman in Delray who blogs everything her cat does, and her cat even has a blog, and every word is meow. But you have to play the hand you're dealt,a n I can't exactly stand on street corners with a megaphone sharing my Big Answers on Everything. That was my first choice, but a monkey wrench hit the works: a few itsy-bitsy little incidents. Murder is such a charged word. You know how some people fixate and won't let things go? They're called cops.

So I guess I should be thankful for the Internet. Especially since my newly launched travel advisory service demands the latest cutting-edge communication technology! Who better to guide you around my fine state? Right, I know what you're thinking: "Serge, without delay, give me an example chocked with more value than I could expect to find elsewhere!" Okay, if you're staying at a budget motel that has mandatory daily maid service, they have a meth lab problem. Of I can tell you how to extract yourself from the wrong bar with only a paper clip and a ballpoint pen. And if you've ever seen a motel room scanned with one of those ultraviolent semen cams, your head would never hit another pillow. Does William Shatner provide this kind of biting insight? I think we both know the answer. Before I debuted this blog, I applied to all the big established Internet travel sites, but they said they didn't think their clients were interested in how to pick hookers who wouldn't take all their credit cards. I said, "Look, you can spend the rest of your days shuffling through the website ghetto, or you can make the roaming gnome your bitch." I think there's something wrong with my phone because the line keeps going dead. So until i get proper sponsorship, I'm forced to put up my own wildcat site. Did I mention it's totally free? What a bargain! Let's get to it!